Princess Portia Piggie-Pie Baroness Beatrice of Beakshire Countess Margarita Quackalotta
One of our mascots attends all our meetings (unless we forget her, feeble-minded Divas that we are) and holds a prominent place in our chapter scrapbook and diary.  At each monthly meeting, the Diva of the Day gets to take one of the mascots home for the month where she gets to meet a new family and enjoy new adventures (the Princess, the Baroness and the Countess are very polite and discreet though, and never reveal secrets or repeat household gossip.) The Diva of the Day is then requested to report (by e-mail to the E-mail Female, the Queen) the Princess or the Baroness’s exploits throughout the month that they are her hostess, and then are to bring her to the next meeting to enjoy the fun. The new Diva of the Day then gets to take a mascot home with her, provide her with adventures, and report them back to the sisterhood, preferably with photos.



Princess Portia Piggie-Pie
The Princess is a small, pink, stuffed piggy. She is petite, elegant, classy, and ladylike. She instigates a lot of annoyed spitting from the Divas as she was raised to be very proper, and though she loves her sisters; she is having a difficult time adjusting to our rowdy & rambunctious Red Hattitude.  She gets a dramatic case of the vapors every time we play our kazoos or moon anyone, and it takes a 2-hour nap on a lavender sachet to calm her down.  But all in all she is very proud to be a pink-hatter, even though she struggles with an irresistible urge to mentor refinement to her sisters, and is constantly embarrassed by the behavior of the Baroness, Beatrice of Beakshire.  Princess Portia Piggie-Pie was rescued by the Queen and elevated to her current state of radiant glory upon the Queen’s hearing her plaintive little “oinking” while digging through a pile of frayed and raggedy teddy bears in the closeout bin at Hallmark.  She was given a makeover by Lady Linda, the Diva of Design, complete with a lavender dress, pink hat and crystal-studded sunglasses. She is now an official member of our chapter of the Red Hat Society, and represents one of our most important priorities: “INDULGENCE”.  In honor of Princess Portia Piggie-Pie, one of our traditions is to hold our forks high and chime in together “Piggie Up!” before we begin to eat.  



Baroness Beatrice of Beakshire
The Baroness is a furry, purple penguin who produces music and performs the chicken dance when you squeeze her hand, uh, er… paw.. uh wing – yeah, that’s it, her wing!) The Baroness comes to us from Antarctica, where she was a famous can-can dancer in the Penguin Ice Follies, and in her youth is also rumored to have been a stripper of some renown. Baroness Beatrice of Beakshire became our 2nd mascot by accident when Princess Portia Piggie-Pie came down with a particularly vile case of the swine flu right before our first Easter Parade.  Never one to miss showing off a bit, when the Baroness heard we were in a pickle and desperate for entertainment, she quickly volunteered to fly down south to represent us.  She performed her famous chicken dance (in honor of some distant relative from Fowlville – the black sheep of the family, but revered by the Baroness for some reason unbeknownst to us) and brought down the house with the sheer, vibrant energy of it.  She put so much of her little self into the dance that she collapsed in a heap of purple feathers at the finale, but her little feet and wings were still keeping time to the music. What a trooper!  In honor of the Baroness, one of our traditions will be to punch both our fists in the air and shout “Amp it Up!” whenever the atmosphere, the singing, or the kazoo playing seems to be lacking in vigor.

The bawdy Baroness is not shy about her checkered past, and is forever threatening to run off to be a centerfold for Hef.  Not likely. She has a passion for snicker-doodles, not to mention chocolate liqueur, so she wouldn’t cut all that trim a figure in a bikini at the grotto at the Playboy mansion.  Yesterday she was bragging about when she was a roadie for Willie Nelson, and rode on the bus with him and the band. She actually seems proud of the fact that she got into all kinds of trouble for drinking beer and hiding in the ice chests. Next time she goes missing I know where to look – she’ll probably be drunk and hiding in the freezer.

I found these pictures in my camera last Sunday night. It seems she snuck off out of town for the weekend and went to the beach. I found her all rumpled and smiling... I should have known she'd been up to no good.

It's just like the Baroness to flaunt breaking the law. Here she is 'parked' upon a no parking sign. What a little troublemaker she is!

She looks pretty proud of herself for finding a hottie to spring for that fancy "Cliffs" motel - I heard he was young, blue-eyed, and blonde...

Wonder if it was the blonde hottie who took this picture of the Baroness surrounded by posies?

Wow, what a view! She must have outdone herself to get to spend the weekend in such a fancy place!


Countess Margarita Quackalotta
The Countess is our newest mascot – she is an adorable white furry duckling who performed a suicide swan dive into the Queen’s shopping basket in Long’s and begged for asylum. She was on the 75% off bin the week after Easter, crowded onto a shelf with a hoard of raunchy bunny boys who were taunting her unmercifully about her somewhat large beak. As she tearfully explained to the Queen, “When I tried to defend mythelf it only made thingth worth, becauth thinth I am from Barthelona, I thpeak with a very thick acthent, that they found particularly hilariouth!”  The Countess is very happy to be in Bakersfield, and seems to be very excited about our Hispanic community. She got all goosebumpy every time we passed a Taco Bell or a Chevy Impala.




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