Miscellaneous

All Red Hat Society chapters are different – and most reflect the attitude, hobbies, personality and/or interests of their Queen. The main reason I started this chapter was to escape the negativity in my life, and create more opportunities to laugh. And as cold as it may sound, I don't want to hear about anyone else's troubles, nor do I want to think or talk about my own at our events. Our get-togethers are meant to be our escape from our sad, lonely, irritated, depressed, etc. feelings.  They are supposed to be fun and uplifting. They are times for ‘happy talk’ and silliness and play.

Simply put, this means no one complains about or discusses anything sad, negative or depressing at our events.  We all have sad and upsetting things happening in our lives from time to time, and we all need friends to vent to, it is vital to our emotional well-being. But not in the group, not at RHS events - ours or anyone else's where you represent our chapter and the RHS as a whole. These are our golden, priceless, few-and-far-between opportunities to let our inner child run free, my little cupcakes - to celebrate sisterhood and childlike fun - to laugh and giggle and play dress-up and blow bubbles and kazoos and sing!  So here's a tradition we have: whenever one of our sisters begins inadvertently expressing depressing or negative thoughts, we will all wave our hands in the air (like when we do the Hokey Pokey) smile sweetly at her, and trill out "Happy Talk!  Happy Talk" as a loving 'attitude adjustment' to remind her. That should do the trick, don't you think?

So even though there are no ‘rules’ in the RHS, my chapter has what I like to call a list of "PleaseNos”.  And w
hile we may not always be able to remember these “PleaseNos”, they are the reason our events are filled with laughter, and our members are truly sisters who love each other and respect each other’s individuality. Here then, are the “PleaseNos”:

bullet Please no complaining about your health problems
bullet Please no complaining about your spouse or lack of one, mother, mother-in-law, boss, etc.
bullet Please no “politicking” – we respect each other’s right to their own opinions and beliefs and do not discuss religion, politics or controversial subjects such as war, abortion, the death penalty, homosexuality, etc. at our events.
bullet Please no long, drawn-out monologs and/or complaints about your job
bullet Please no unsolicited advice
bullet Please no bad-mouthing a sister Diva
bullet Please no rumor-mongering or malicious gossip
bullet Please no Whining. Period.

 A counselor I used to go to (yes, I’ve had my Queenly little head shrunk) once taught me to “act as if”.  She said if you create all the body language of being happy, i.e. smiling, using an ‘up’ tone of voice, etc., you’ll be amazed to find how often you begin to FEEL happy.  And girlies, it works!  So pack up your troubles and leave them locked in the trunk of your car when you arrive at one of our events.  Walk in with a big smile, prepared to share it with all your sister Divas, and you will bask in the sunshine of our love!

Logos for Red Hats and Pinkies Dancing Diva Anthem Traditions
Dancing Diva Desktop Wallpaper   Dancing Diva Mascots

Traditions

 MOTTO
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body; but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming…  “Wow, what a ride!” 


CHAPTER ANTHEM
The Queen may announce at any time that we will all kazoo a Marching Song or sing our Chapter Anthem (see below).

We Are Wearing Our Red Hats
Tune:  Take Me Out to the Ball Game

Take me out with the Red Hats

Purple dresses we'll sport

Strutting our stuff with the other chicks

Having a ball as our colors we mix

Oh and we will play our kazoos loud

We don’t care what folks say

For it’s good times now that we have

On our Red Hat Day!


MARCHING SONG
It is a tradition to occasionally have a parade, mimicking he playing of a horn while we kazoo the marching anthem "Oh When Red Hats Come Marching In".

Oh When Red Hats Come Marching in

Tune:  When the Saints Go Marching In

 

Oh when Red Hats (oh when Red Hats)

Come marching in (come marching in)

Oh, when Red Hats come marching in

Everybody wants to join them

When Red Hats come marching in

 

Oh when Pink Hats, (oh when Pink Hats)

Come marching in (come marching in)

Oh, when Pink Hats come marching in

They’re just waitin’ to turn 50

When Pink Hats come marching in

 CHEERING
 Whenever the Queen raises her fist in the air, it is a tradition to all cheer out loudly, raising their fists in the air as well, and repeating whatever the Queen has said (such as “Indulgence”, “Woo-Hoo”, “Hear-Hear”, “Piggie Up!” “Amp it Up!”, or “Anthem”).  If the Queen shouts “anthem”, the members are to cheer “anthem” back, and then immediately begin to sing the chapter Anthem.
 

 RESPONSES
In the spirit of silliness, we love funny responses such as follows: Red Hat Response to an inquiry about whether one likes something might be:  “I do! I do! I really do!” (as the respondent wiggles and jumps about excitedly). When asked to volunteer for something, the Red Hat Response might be "I will, I will, pick me, pick me" (ditto on the excited wiggling).  When asked if one has done something naughty, like taking the last pat of butter) the Red Hat Response could be "Huh-uh, not me, no siree, nope, nope, nope, I didn't do it, uh-uh" while shaking one's head from side to side, head hung low (think Eyore from Winnie the Pooh). Now didn't all that make you giggle?  That's the point!

 PICTURE TAKING
Whenever someone prepares to take a picture of us, whoever notices first is to shout “Hattitude!” and we are all to pose dramatically, exaggerating our “diva-hood”.

 SPITTING
Since we are of an age where we are no longer required to abide by society’s view of “proper” behavior, whenever we hear the word “proper” it is a tradition to turn our heads to the right and spit downward toward the ground.  “Juicy” spitting is not required (or suggested).  A symbolic spitting action is acceptable, but it must be accompanied by sound – remember, funny noises make us giggle, and laughter is the nectar of the gods! A delightfully fun spitting sound would be "Patooie!"

DIVA OF THE DAY “HIGH FIVE”
Since some of our sisters don’t know each other well, it is a tradition that at each meeting we will honor a “Diva of the Day”. This Diva will stand up and tell her sisters a little about herself (her marital status, children, grandchildren, pets, likes, dislikes and/or whatever else she would like to share). Then we have five minutes of Q&A time where the sisters may ask her anything else they may want to know.  When there are new members, they are automatically subject to a “DOD High Five”. (The Diva of the Day IS of course permitted to refuse to answer if her esteemed royal self deems some of the questions too personal).

THE RHS SIGN
The hearing impaired invented a sign for us. Pointer and middle finger crossing is the sign for red, and the tapping of the head is the sign for hat. Therefore, we're using the sign as our official greeting for each other when we are in public and not wearing our regalia. It allows us to be playful even when we are in a serious setting such as the workplace or church. So the next time you see a Red Hatter outside of a meeting, cross your fingers and tap your head in a Red Hat greeting.

 BIRTHDAYS
Although it is not "required", it is a Red Hat tradition to wear reverse colors (red dress, purple hat) during your entire birthday month, if you choose to. Since you would only be able to wear this purple (or lavender) hat one month a year, I decided to buy one and rent it to whoever would like to wear it for their birthday month. This will help me recoup a teensy bit of the royal fortune I've spent on this silly RHS obsession of mine :o) and will make it very cheap for you to get to wear a purple hat during your birthday month. (Someone else will have to purchase a lavender hat for the pinkies to wear.)  I bought a beautiful purple hat from Carol's Classic Collection and Consignments (look at the shopping page of the website, this place is AWESOME!) so it is available for $5.00 rent to anyone during their birthday month. This is a fun tradition because when anyone from the RHS sees you in reverse colors they will immediately wish you a happy birthday! Of course since there are more than one of you with birthdays the same month, it's first call, first served (and I reserve it for January for my little old self.)

CEREMONIES
The Queen, assisted by the Royal Court, will conduct Swearing-In and De-Pinkification Ceremonies (called "Red-uation" ceremonies by most red hat chapters, but I like my title better, since we de-pinkify the pink hatter. I like to call her the 'De-Pinky'). The Royal Throne will be taken to all ceremonies (if at all possible), and the Queen will be dressed in full Queenly regalia, including Crown, Royal Scepter and gown and of course bejeweled from head to toe!

 BUBBLES
Who didn't love blowing bubbles as a child?  Since bubbles bring our "inner child" back to life, they are a tradition of the Red Hat Society.  The Queen will usually have bubbles with her at events, but please feel free to provide your own bubbles, blowers, and bubble machines to add to the gaiety.

OUR MASCOTS
Princess Portia Piggie-Pie
The Princess is a small, pink, stuffed piggy. She is petite, elegant, classy, and ladylike. She instigates a lot of annoyed spitting from the Divas as she was raised to be very proper, and though she loves her sisters; she is having a difficult time adjusting to our rowdy & rambunctious Red Hattitude.  She gets a dramatic case of the vapors every time we play our kazoos or moon anyone, and it takes a 2-hour nap on a lavender sachet to calm her down.  But all in all she is very proud to be a pink-hatter, even though she struggles with an irresistible urge to mentor refinement to her sisters, and is constantly embarrassed by the behavior of the Baroness, Beatrice of Beakshire.  Princess Portia Piggie-Pie was rescued by the Queen and elevated to her current state of radiant glory upon the Queen’s hearing her plaintive little “oinking” while digging through a pile of frayed and raggedy teddy bears in the closeout bin at Hallmark.  She was given a makeover by Lady Linda, the Diva of Design, complete with a lavender dress, pink hat and crystal-studded sunglasses. She is now an official member of our chapter of the Red Hat Society, and represents one of our most important priorities: “INDULGENCE”.  In honor of Princess Portia Piggie-Pie, one of our traditions is to hold our forks high and chime in together “Piggie Up!” before we begin to eat.  

Baroness Beatrice of Beakshire
The Baroness is a furry, purple penguin who produces music and performs the chicken dance when you squeeze her hand, uh, er… paw.. uh wing – yeah, that’s it, her wing!) The Baroness comes to us from Antarctica, where she was a famous can-can dancer in the Penguin Ice Follies, and in her youth is also rumored to have been a stripper of some renown. Baroness Beatrice of Beakshire became our 2nd mascot by accident when Princess Portia Piggie-Pie came down with a particularly vile case of the swine flu right before our first Easter Parade.  Never one to miss showing off a bit, when the Baroness heard we were in a pickle and desperate for entertainment, she quickly volunteered to fly down south to represent us.  She performed her famous chicken dance (in honor of some distant relative from Fowlville – the black sheep of the family, but revered by the Baroness for some reason unbeknownst to us) and brought down the house with the sheer, vibrant energy of it.  She put so much of her little self into the dance that she collapsed in a heap of purple feathers at the finale, but her little feet and wings were still keeping time to the music. What a trooper!  In honor of the Baroness, one of our traditions will be to punch both our fists in the air and shout “Amp it Up!” whenever the atmosphere, the singing, or the kazoo playing seems to be lacking in vigor.

The bawdy Baroness is not shy about her checkered past, and is forever threatening to run off to be a centerfold for Hef.  Not likely. She has a passion for snicker-doodles, not to mention chocolate liqueur, so she wouldn’t cut all that trim a figure in a bikini at the grotto at the mansion.  Yesterday she was bragging about when she was a roadie for Willie Nelson, and rode on the bus with him and the band. She actually seems proud of the fact that she got into all kinds of trouble for drinking beer and hiding in the ice chests. Next time she goes missing I know where to look – she’ll probably be drunk and hiding in the freezer (or possibly "On The Road Again" - I couldn't resist)

Countess Margarita Quackalotta
The Countess is our newest mascot – she is an adorable white furry duckling who performed a suicide swan dive into the Queen’s shopping basket in Long’s and begged for asylum. She was on the 75% off bin the week after Easter, crowded onto a shelf with a hoard of raunchy bunny boys who were taunting her unmercifully about her somewhat large beak. As she tearfully explained to the Queen, “When I tried to defend mythelf it only made thingth worth, becauth thinth I am from Barthelona, I thpeak with a very thick acthent, that they found particularly hilariouth!”  The Countess is very happy to be in Bakersfield, and seems to be very excited about our Hispanic community. She got all goosebumpy every time we passed a Taco Bell or a Chevy Impala.


One of our mascots attends all our meetings (unless we forget her, feeble-minded Divas that we are) and holds a prominent place in our chapter scrapbook and diary.  At each monthly meeting, the Diva of the Day gets to take one of the mascots home for the month where she gets to meet a new family and enjoy new adventures (the Princess, the Baroness and the Countess are very polite and discreet though, and never reveal secrets or repeat household gossip.) The Diva of the Day is then requested to report (by e-mail to the E-mail Female, the Queen) the Princess or the Baroness’s exploits throughout the month that they are her hostess, and then are to bring her to the next meeting to enjoy the fun. The new Diva of the Day then gets to take a mascot home with her, provide her with adventures, and report them back to the sisterhood, preferably with photos.

 BIRTHDAYS
Each month at our regular play date we will celebrate the birthdays of our Princesses born in that month. We will Kazoo “Happy Birthday” to them while they sing “Happy Birthday to ME”. Everyone’s birthdays are listed on the website, so please take note of the birthday girls so you can make them feel special.  No gifts are required, only cards (and we LOVE Maxine cards!) and lots and lots of attention, especially for our Pink Hatted sisters who are one more step forward on the road to a Red Hat.  We need to come up with some more birthday traditions so put on your thinking caps (red of course) and let’s find some silly ways to celebrate our birthday girls.


PINKIES

This is our loving term for our "baby sisters", those Divas who have not yet reached the age of 50. They wear the pale colors of lavender clothing and pink hats until they have their special 50th birthday when they can begin to wear the vivid colors of red & purple. We have quite a few Pinkies in our chapter, and they bring a youthful energy to our events, to say nothing of all the help they provide to us. They read menus for us when we forget our glasses, they help us up when we get stuck in a comfy sofa, fan us when we have hot flashes, etc. Very helpful little fairies, they are, and we love them to pieces!

 PINK HATTERS
(by Sue Ellen Cooper, the co-founder of the Red Hat Society)

Once in a while we are surprised to hear that some groups do not welcome Pink Hatters into their ranks, apparently in the belief that younger women should not be allowed to be part of our Society. Well, the Red Hat Society has no rules, and if a particular chapter prefers not to include younger women, that is their choice to make. However, I am always pleased in the extreme to meet enthusiastic Pink Hatters, because their desire to play with us shows that we are not a bunch of old, boring women. They tell me that they are inspired by us, and heartened to see that their future is wide open, not an inevitable downhill slide. The Red Hat Society ladies have the opportunity to reach out in the manner of older sisters, mentor the younger women just a little, and receive back from them the gifts that they bring - vitality, sisterhood, and spice.  

A lot of our chapters contain a sprinkling of Pink Hatters. In some cases entire chapters comprised of younger women are forming, encouraging each other through their particular life phases, as they wait for the day they can don their red and purple. Good for them! Not long ago, we received the text of an "oath" taken by the members of a group from Encinitas, CA:

"While We Are Young" ( A Pink Hatter's Oath - written by Beautiful Queen Janet Stouder & Madame Beautiful Kari Stouder)

"While we are young, we will honor the women who have gone before us,
find what is beautiful in each and every day,
surround those we love with beauty and ourselves with those we love,
live each moment to the fullest and laugh as often as possible.
Although we look forward to our red destiny,
today we will embrace our youth and find our fulfillment, purpose and power in pink!" 

As I keep saying - Yes, we found our inspiration in the poem, "Warning", which is all about getting old. But the Red Hat Society is about more than getting old (in the most positive manner possible). It is also about sisterhood and togetherness in general. Viva Pink Hatters - and WELCOME!


Here's a great commentary by Andy Rooney that I thought you'd enjoy.
This is a man who understands us.  I LOVE this!

Andy Rooney says.... "As I grow in age, I value women who are over 40 
  most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:
 
  An over 40 woman will never wake you in the middle of the night to
  ask,  "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.
 
  If an over 40 woman doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit 
  around whining about it. She does something she wants to do and it's 
  usually something more interesting.
 
  An over 40 woman knows herself well enough to be assured in who she
  is, what she is, what she wants, and from whom she wants it. Few women past the
  age of  40 give a darn what you might think about her or what she's doing.
 
  An over 40 woman usually has had her fill of "meaningful
  relationships" and "commitment." The last thing she wants in her life
  is another dopey, clingy, whiny and/or dependent lover.
 
  Over 40 women are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with
  you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course,
if  you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they
think they can get away with it.
 
  Over 40 women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know 
  what it's like to be unappreciated.
 
  An over 40 woman has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women 
  friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend.
An over 40 woman couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because
  she knows her friends won't betray her.
 
  Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to 
  an over 40 woman. They always know.
 
  An over 40 woman looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not 
  true of younger women.
 
  Over 40 women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off that
you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder 
where you stand with her.

  Yes, we praise over 40 women for a multitude of reasons.
  Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart,
  well-coiffed hot woman of 40+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in
  yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress.
 
  Ladies, I apologize.

  Andy Rooney


THE ISSUE OF "MEN"
(re-printed from the RHS broadcast newsletter 3/19/04)
Note from your Queen, I'm posting this because I was asked by a member already about this very thing. Here's the official "Proclamation" from the Queen of the Queens, our Founding Queen Mother.)

Red Hatters come from all sorts of situations: some are married; some are widowed or divorced; some have never married at all.  When we gather for Red Hat events, our marital status is irrelevant; we are just a bunch of "girls" getting together to play.

Any official Red Hat Society activities put on by Hatquarters are for women only.  We have a few men on our staff but they remain behind the scenes.  They are not trying to be members; they are there to help events run smoothly.  If a Red Hatter's husband wants to accompany her to a convention or a regional gathering he certainly may do that.  But he will not be able to participate in any part of the scheduled activities (i.e. Pajama breakfasts, etc.).  We suggest that the men who choose to tag along to any of our functions find alternate activities to enjoy while their wives play dress-up and do their Red Hatting. The Red Hat Society is a "girl thing".

This being said, it is important to express our gratitude and admiration for the many, many husbands who have shown good-hearted support for their wives' involvement in the Red Hat Society.  You all deserve big hugs for encouraging your wives to go out and play with their girlfriends.  Those of you who have shown up at Hatquarter in purple shirts, red ties, red caps, etc. deserve extra kudos!  You guys are terrific, and we sincerely appreciate you.

MAY I HAVE THE ENVELOPE, PLEASE?
We give ourselves permission to play and we bestow titles on ourselves as well.  Why not give ourselves and each other awards too?  QM Empress Sharen Wilde (Ruby Crested Tea-Birds, Harrison, Arkansas) gives an award annually to whichever member of her chapter deserves it (in her exalted opinion).  She calls it the "Auntie Mame Flamboyant Dame Award for Celebrating Aging with Joy, Flamboyance and Hattitude."  We sure would like to see a picture of the trophy, if there is one, wouldn't we?  Congratulations in advance to this year's winner. (Note from your Queen, I love this idea - we will definitely be doing this, so be on the lookout for an award-worthy member)
 

JOKE ABOUT SMART WOMEN
Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman.
The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one would have to leave, because otherwise they were all going to  fall. They were not able to name that person, until the woman gave a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because as a woman she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, or for men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return.

 As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their hands.......

FOOD WARNING!
Can't eat beef ..... mad cow
Can't eat chicken ..... bird flu
Can't eat eggs ..... again, bird flu
Can't eat pork ..... fears that bird flu will infect piggies
Can't eat fish ..... heavy metals in the waters has poisoned their meat
Can't eat fruits and veggies ..... insecticides and herbicides
Hmmmm!  I believe that leaves Chocolate!

 


KAZOOING SAFETY RULES

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Never stick the kazoo up your nose.

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Do not inhale through the kazoo.

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In subfreezing temperatures, use ONLY plastic model kazoos, since a metal kazoo could become permanently affixed to lips and/or tongue.

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Use protective covering to keep your kazoo free of purse/pocket link or belly button fuzz.

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Prevent lip fatigue by adhering to short practice sessions, lengthening them only when your embrochure muscles have achieved schwartznegerian definition.

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To avoid cramping, chafing, and blistering, induce a North Carolina farmer to reveal the contents of the ointment they have used for generations to treat cows with chapped udders.

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Directly before an important performance (what kazoo player performance in unimportant?) the professional and courteous kazooist (and what kazooist is not courteous?) ABSTAINS from such substances as beer, chili, garlic or other dyspeptic foods UNLESS hiccoughing is a desired effect in the music.

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Directly post performance, the kazooist becomes - in all respects - a bon vivant indulging in a large array of food, beverages and types of social intercourse.
 

Received this from Sue Ellen - the Exalted Queen Mother and wanted to pass it on to you:

Queen Patricia Ferdella of the Mad Hatters of Oxford, MA reports a memorable experience she had at the time of our recent New York Big Apple Birthday Bash.  When she and her Mad Hatters went to see “Aida” they were approached by a young Latino man who asked if they belonged to the Red Hat Society.  When they answered in the affirmative, he told them his Aunt was a Red Hat Queen.  Then, in the middle of Broadway, he sank to one knee, took her hand in his and kissed it!

THERE MUST BE A TERM FOR THIS!

So many times over the past four years we have seen the most serendipitous things occur among the Red Hat Society members!  Although words are one of the ways we use to play in the Red Hat Society, we have never, until now, decided on a formal term for these special, magical occurrences.  At Hatquarters we have been known to refer to “Red Hat Magic” from time to time, and I have often thought of these things as “sparkly moments”.  But neither of these terms seems sufficiently catchy. Because we continue to receive tales of the most amazing, spontaneous coincidences and heart-warming, small moments, I believe it is time to coin a term for them:  I hereby dub them “SCARLET SPARKLES”!  

Queen Sissy La-La's Cuckoo Christmas Carols

In a Red & Purple Wonderland
(tune of Walking in a Winter Wonderland)

Kazoos sing, are you listenin’
Lots of bling, is a glistenin’
A beautiful sight
We’re happy tonite
In our red & purple wonderland

We don’t care about the weather
Boas warm, full of feathers
We’re wrapped up in red
All over our heads
In our red & purple wonderland

In a restaurant you can see us glowing
Purple clothes with red hats on our heads
Shopping in a store in caftans flowing
As we pass up all the hats that are not red!

Later on we’ll conspire
As we dream by the fire
A beautiful sight
Red Hatters Unite
In our red & purple wonderland


Deck Our Heads
(tune of Deck the Halls)

Deck our heads with hats of red
Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la
We’re so happy we’re not dead
Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la
Don we now our bright regalia
Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la
Next to us the world is paler
Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la
Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la!


Jingle Bells

Dashing through the stores
This is where its at
Oh what fun it is to shop
In our cute red hats

Through the aisles we roam
In purple dress & shoes
Searching for more red hat stuff
Than we could ever use, Oh!

Jingle bells, hats are swell
Up atop our heads
Feathers, flowers, jewels & more
And all of it is re-ed!
Jingle bells, hats are swell
Up atop our heads
Oh what fun it is to shop
With red hats on our heads




We are the Red Hat Ladies
(tune of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer)

We are the red hat ladies
And we wear such funny clothes
And if you ever saw us
You would even say we glow
All of the other ladies
Used to laugh and call us names
They didn’t get our antics
Or our silly red hat games

Then one foggy Christmas Eve
Santa came to say
Ladies with your hats so bright
Join me in my sleigh tonight.

Now they all want to join us
As we sing and play kazoos
Now that they finally get it
Santa wears a red hat too!


Twelve Days of Christmas

On the 1st day of Christmas, my sisters gave to me
A red hat with flowers on the brim

On the 2nd day of Christmas, my sisters gave to me
Two purple dresses
And a red hat with flowers on the brim.

On the 3rd day of Christmas, my sisters gave to me
Three red kazoos
Two purple dresses
And a red hat with flowers on the brim.

On the 4th day of Christmas, my sisters gave to me
Four purple scarves
Three red kazoos
Two purple dresses
And a red hat with flowers on the brim.

On the 5th day of Christmas, my sisters gave to me
Five Coots & Biddies figurines
Four purple scarves
Three red kazoos
Two purple dresses
And a red hat with flowers on the brim.

On the 6th day of Christmas, my sisters gave to me
Six satin gloves
Five Coots & Biddies figurines
Four purple scarves
Three red kazoos
Two purple dresses
And a red hat with flowers on the brim.

On the 7th day of Christmas, my sisters gave to me
Seven feather boas
Six satin gloves
Five Coots & Biddies figurines
Four purple scarves
Three red kazoos
Two purple dresses
And a red hat with flowers on the brim.

On the 8th day of Christmas, my sisters gave to me
Eight big tiaras
Seven feather boas
Six satin gloves
Five Coots & Biddies figurines
Four purple scarves
Three red kazoos
Two purple dresses
And a red hat with flowers on the brim.

On the 9th day of Christmas, my sisters gave to me
Nine reading glasses
Eight big tiaras
Seven feather boas
Six satin gloves
Five Coots & Biddies figurines
Four purple scarves
Three red kazoos
Two purple dresses
And a red hat with flowers on the brim.

On the10th day of Christmas, my sisters gave to me
Ten chocolate truffles
Nine reading glasses
Eight big tiaras
Seven feather boas
Six satin gloves
Five Coots & Biddies figurines
Four purple scarves
Three red kazoos
Two purple dresses
And a red hat with flowers on the brim.

On the11th day of Christmas, my sisters gave to me
Eleven sparkling earrings
Ten chocolate truffles
Nine reading glasses
Eight big tiaras
Seven feather boas
Six satin gloves
Five Coots & Biddies figurines
Four purple scarves
Three red kazoos
Two purple dresses
And a red hat with flowers on the brim.

On the12th day of Christmas, my sisters gave to me
Twelve purple purses
Eleven sparkling earrings
Ten chocolate truffles
Nine reading glasses
Eight big tiaras
Seven feather boas
Six satin gloves
Five Coots & Biddies figurines
Four purple scarves
Three red kazoos
Two purple dresses
And a red hat with flowers on the brim.


I’m Dreaming of a Red & Purple Christmas

I’m Dreaming of a Red & Purple Christmas
No longer does red go with green
Now my tree will glisten
As I will christen
It with these colors that you’ve seen

I’m Dreaming of a Red & Purple Christmas
I will have hats upon my tree
There’ll be wide brims and bonnets
With purple tinsel on it
How beautiful this tree will be

I’m Dreaming of a Red & Purple Christmas
Topped with an angel but instead
Of a white dress we’ll change that
And no halo, rearrange that
She’ll have a red hat on her head

I’m dreaming of a Red & Purple Christmas
Just like all my Red Hatter chums
We’re all anxious to start trimming
Imaginations brimming
While our new carols we all hum



Little Drummer Girl

Come, they told her
Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum
Put on this cute red hat
Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum
But I am much too young
Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum
I am not fifty yet
Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum
Rum-pa-pum-pum
Rum-pa-pum-pum

Then here’s a pink hat dear
Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum
With us you’ll find good cheer
Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum
And you’ll have sisters near
Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum
To help you with your fears
Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum
Rum-pa-pum-pum
Rum-pa-pum-pum

We’ll guide you through the ‘pause
Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum
When all your nerves are raw
Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum
We’ll help you with all that
Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum
So take this cute pink hat
Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum
Rum-pa-pum-pum
Rum-pa-pum-pum

She took the hat from them
Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum
She basked in their good will
Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum
She found her life had changed
Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum
She became one of them
Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum
Rum-pa-pum-pum
Rum-pa-pum-pum

Come she told them
Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum
My friends come join me now
Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum
There’s magic ‘neath this hat
Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum
Red Hats are where it’s at
Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum
Rum-pa-pum-pum
Rum-pa-pum-pum

Now she just counts the years
Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum
Aging she doesn’t fear
Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum
She keeps her sisters near
Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum
Turning 50 will bring cheer
Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum
Rum-pa-pum-pum
Rum-pa-pum-pum


Red Christmas
(tune of Blue Christmas)

We’ll have a red Christmas, no doubtin’
With all our friends ‘round, laughin’ & shoutin’
Decorations of green, holly berries of red
Won’t be the same, now, that they’re up on our head!

We’ll have a red Christmas my sisters
Just all us gir-ls, this year no ‘Misters’
They’ll be doin’ all right
With their Christmas of white
But we’ll have a Red Hatter’s Christmas


Hark The Blue-Haired Angels Sing

Hark the blue-haired angels sing
Glory to our goofy Queen!
She got our Red Hat ball rolling
Though it was Bass-Ackward Bowling!
Quarters lodged betwixt our butt cheeks
Make us howl until our eyes leak
We all do outrageous things
'Cause she asks, our goofy Queen.
We all do outrageous things
'Cause she asks, our goofy Queen

Hark the blue-haired angels cry
Do it and do not ask why
Why is simply “cause it’s fun”
Even when it means we run
Round and round in hokey pokey
We can always take a jokey
We are always heard and seen
‘Cause we have a goofy Queen.
We are always heard and seen
‘Cause we have a goofy Queen

Hark the blue-haired angels giggle
Through some games that make us wiggle
We act up in public too
As we play on our kazoos
Booty bumping, campouts too
These are all fun things we do
We don't mind because its fun
And our Queen's the goofy one
We don't mind because its fun
And our Queen's the goofy one



Do You Hear What I Hear?

Said the Queen to the woman there
Do you see what I see?
Way up on my head, oh woman fair
Do you see what I see?

A hat, a hat
A beautiful red hat
With a brim as wide as the sky
With a brim as wide as the sky

Said the woman to the Red Hat Queen
Do you hear what I hear?
Ringing thru the sky, lovely Queen
Do you hear what I hear?

It’s laughter, dear
Laughter that you hear
And it rings out clear as a bell
Yes it rings out clear as a bell

Said the woman to the mighty Queen
May I know what you know?
In your wisdom oh mighty Queen
May I know what you know?

A hat, a hat
is waiting for your head
And its red, oh my dear, yes it’s red
And its red, oh my dear, yes it’s red

Said the Queen to women everywhere
Listen to what I say!
Join us now, listen when I say
Join us now and forever you will play
Join us now and forever you will play


Joy To The World

Joy to the world
Red hats are here
So come and join the fun
We promise you will have a ball
Your colors we will change them all
It’s Red and it’s Purple now
It’s Red and it’s Purple now
It’s Red and it’s Purple we love, and how!

Joy to the world
We love this life
Our sisters by our side
And ev-ery heart
Is full of love
And ev’ry heart is full
And ev’ry heart is full
And every heart is full of love



The Restroom Door Said “Gentlemen”
(tune of God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen)
(Note: This one somehow ended up not being about Christmas
OR Red Hats but I was on a roll and just couldn't stop)


The restroom door said “Gentlemen”
But we just had to pee
And so we tiptoed in and hoped
That no men there would be
The place just stunk and looked a mess
But ah! There was a john
Oh what feelings of sweet release and joy
Did we feel
Oh what feelings of sweet release and joy

And so we lifted skirts and sighed
As tissue was laid down
While pondering what men would think
And how they’d wear a frown
If they came in and found us there
Invading their domain
Oh but feelings of sweet release and joy
Did we feel
Oh what feelings of sweet release and joy

To those men who would think us wrong
For peeing in “your place”
We urge you when you build these things
To give us lots more space
‘Cause if you don’t you’re going to see
The next time you walk in
We wrote W-O in front of M-E-N
MMM-E-N
We wrote W-O in front of M-E-N


We Three Queens of Bakersfield Are
(tune of We Three Kings of Orient Are)

We three Queens of Bakersfield fame
Karen, Pat and Cianne are our names
Purple and red from our heads to our toes
Recruiting Red Hatters in droves

CHORUS:
O, hats of crimson, hats so light
Hats in royal ruby bright
Hats vermillion, hats in the trillions
So unique they are a sight

We three Queens of local renown
Touting Red Hatism all over town
Christmas is near and we are of good cheer
As we turn every frown upside down

CHORUS:
O, hats with monkeys, hats with bees
Hats with little Christmas trees
Hats with doggies, hats with froggies
Hats that could fly like a kite in a breeze

We three Queens, we like to compete
To have the best red hats to wear when we greet
Like all of our goilies, some even wear doilies
We even put hats on our feet

CHORUS:
O, hats with roses, hats with jewels
Hats with fishing tackle and tools
Hats with wine, these hats are divine
As we break all society’s rules

We three Queens we are best of friends
Never an ill word would we have to mend
Our red hats they glue us, our friendship renews us
It’s sisterhood time that we spend


Crimson Hats
(tune of Silver Bells)

On the sidewalks, everyone gawks
at our lovely red hats
On our heads an explosion of Christmas

People passing, children laughing,
Greeting us with a smile
And on every street corner, you'll see

CHORUS:
Crimson hats, Ruby hats
It's Christmas time for Red Hatters
Twink-a-ling, see our bling
We celebrate it this way

Hats with holly, hats with tinsel
Blink a bright red and green
As our sisters
Show off their new headwear

Ornaments gleam, garland does stream
See the big star atop
And amidst all this foo-foo, you'll see

CHORUS:
Crimson hats, Ruby hats
It's Christmas time for Red Hatters
Twink-a-ling, see our bling
We celebrate it this way



We Wish You a Merry Christmas

We wish you a Merry Christmas
We wish you a Merry Christmas
We wish you a Merry Christmas
And a Red Hat New Year!

Go buy your-self a red hat
Go buy your-self a red hat
Go buy your-self a red hat
It’ll fill you with cheer!

The big-ger hat the better
The big-ger hat the better
Especially one with feathers
That will tickle your ears!

Then come on out and join us
Then come on out and join us
Then come on out and join us
Dressed in purple gear!

We wish you a Merry Christmas
We wish you a Merry Christmas
We wish you a Merry Christmas
And a Red Hat New Year!

 


 

Phone :661-833-6787 or E-mail: Cianne@bak.rr.com