Miscellaneous

	Please no complaining about your health problems
	Please no complaining about your spouse or lack of one, mother, mother-in-law, boss, etc.
	Please no “politicking” – we respect each other’s right to their own opinions and beliefs and do not discuss religion, politics or controversial subjects such as war, abortion, the death penalty, homosexuality, etc. at our events.
	Please no long, drawn-out monologs and/or complaints about your job
	Please no unsolicited advice
	Please no bad-mouthing a sister Diva
	Please no rumor-mongering or malicious gossip
	Please no Whining. Period.

 A counselor I used to go to (yes, I’ve had my Queenly little head shrunk) once taught me to “act as if”.  She said if you create all the body language of being happy, i.e. smiling, using an ‘up’ tone of voice, etc., you’ll be amazed to find how often you begin to FEEL happy.  And girlies, it works!  So pack up your troubles and leave them locked in the trunk of your car when you arrive at one of our events.  Walk in with a big smile, prepared to share it with all your sister Divas, and you will bask in the sunshine of our love!

Andy Rooney says.... "As I grow in age, I value women who are over 40 
  most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:
 
  An over 40 woman will never wake you in the middle of the night to
  ask,  "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.
 
  If an over 40 woman doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit 
  around whining about it. She does something she wants to do and it's 
  usually something more interesting.
 
  An over 40 woman knows herself well enough to be assured in who she
  is, what she is, what she wants, and from whom she wants it. Few women past the
  age of  40 give a darn what you might think about her or what she's doing.
 
  An over 40 woman usually has had her fill of "meaningful
  relationships" and "commitment." The last thing she wants in her life
  is another dopey, clingy, whiny and/or dependent lover.
 
  Over 40 women are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with
  you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course,
if  you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they
think they can get away with it.
 
  Over 40 women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know 
  what it's like to be unappreciated.
 
  An over 40 woman has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women 
  friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend.
An over 40 woman couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because
  she knows her friends won't betray her.
 
  Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to 
  an over 40 woman. They always know.
 
  An over 40 woman looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not 
  true of younger women.
 
  Over 40 women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off that
you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder 
where you stand with her.

  Yes, we praise over 40 women for a multitude of reasons.
  Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart,
  well-coiffed hot woman of 40+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in
  yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress.
 
  Ladies, I apologize.

  Andy Rooney

THE ISSUE OF "MEN" (re-printed from the RHS broadcast newsletter 3/19/04) Note from your Queen, I'm posting this because I was asked by a member already about this very thing. Here's the official "Proclamation" from the Queen of the Queens, our Founding Queen Mother.) Red Hatters come from all sorts of situations: some are married; some are widowed or divorced; some have never married at all.  When we gather for Red Hat events, our marital status is irrelevant; we are just a bunch of "girls" getting together to play. Any official Red Hat Society activities put on by Hatquarters are for women only.  We have a few men on our staff but they remain behind the scenes.  They are not trying to be members; they are there to help events run smoothly.  If a Red Hatter's husband wants to accompany her to a convention or a regional gathering he certainly may do that.  But he will not be able to participate in any part of the scheduled activities (i.e. Pajama breakfasts, etc.).  We suggest that the men who choose to tag along to any of our functions find alternate activities to enjoy while their wives play dress-up and do their Red Hatting. The Red Hat Society is a "girl thing". This being said, it is important to express our gratitude and admiration for the many, many husbands who have shown good-hearted support for their wives' involvement in the Red Hat Society.  You all deserve big hugs for encouraging your wives to go out and play with their girlfriends.  Those of you who have shown up at Hatquarter in purple shirts, red ties, red caps, etc. deserve extra kudos!  You guys are terrific, and we sincerely appreciate you. MAY I HAVE THE ENVELOPE, PLEASE? We give ourselves permission to play and we bestow titles on ourselves as well.  Why not give ourselves and each other awards too?  QM Empress Sharen Wilde (Ruby Crested Tea-Birds, Harrison, Arkansas) gives an award annually to whichever member of her chapter deserves it (in her exalted opinion).  She calls it the "Auntie Mame Flamboyant Dame Award for Celebrating Aging with Joy, Flamboyance and Hattitude."  We sure would like to see a picture of the trophy, if there is one, wouldn't we?  Congratulations in advance to this year's winner. (Note from your Queen, I love this idea - we will definitely be doing this, so be on the lookout for an award-worthy member)

JOKE ABOUT SMART WOMEN Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one would have to leave, because otherwise they were all going to  fall. They were not able to name that person, until the woman gave a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because as a woman she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, or for men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return.  As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their hands....... FOOD WARNING! Can't eat beef ..... mad cow Can't eat chicken ..... bird flu Can't eat eggs ..... again, bird flu Can't eat pork ..... fears that bird flu will infect piggies Can't eat fish ..... heavy metals in the waters has poisoned their meat Can't eat fruits and veggies ..... insecticides and herbicides Hmmmm!  I believe that leaves Chocolate!

KAZOOING SAFETY RULES Never stick the kazoo up your nose. Do not inhale through the kazoo. In subfreezing temperatures, use ONLY plastic model kazoos, since a metal kazoo could become permanently affixed to lips and/or tongue. Use protective covering to keep your kazoo free of purse/pocket link or belly button fuzz. Prevent lip fatigue by adhering to short practice sessions, lengthening them only when your embrochure muscles have achieved schwartznegerian definition. To avoid cramping, chafing, and blistering, induce a North Carolina farmer to reveal the contents of the ointment they have used for generations to treat cows with chapped udders. Directly before an important performance (what kazoo player performance in unimportant?) the professional and courteous kazooist (and what kazooist is not courteous?) ABSTAINS from such substances as beer, chili, garlic or other dyspeptic foods UNLESS hiccoughing is a desired effect in the music. Directly post performance, the kazooist becomes - in all respects - a bon vivant indulging in a large array of food, beverages and types of social intercourse.

Received this from Sue Ellen - the Exalted Queen Mother and wanted to pass it on to you: Queen Patricia Ferdella of the Mad Hatters of Oxford, MA reports a memorable experience she had at the time of our recent New York Big Apple Birthday Bash.  When she and her Mad Hatters went to see “Aida” they were approached by a young Latino man who asked if they belonged to the Red Hat Society.  When they answered in the affirmative, he told them his Aunt was a Red Hat Queen.  Then, in the middle of Broadway, he sank to one knee, took her hand in his and kissed it! THERE MUST BE A TERM FOR THIS! So many times over the past four years we have seen the most serendipitous things occur among the Red Hat Society members!  Although words are one of the ways we use to play in the Red Hat Society, we have never, until now, decided on a formal term for these special, magical occurrences.  At Hatquarters we have been known to refer to “Red Hat Magic” from time to time, and I have often thought of these things as “sparkly moments”.  But neither of these terms seems sufficiently catchy. Because we continue to receive tales of the most amazing, spontaneous coincidences and heart-warming, small moments, I believe it is time to coin a term for them:  I hereby dub them “SCARLET SPARKLES”!

Queen Sissy La-La's Cuckoo Christmas Carols In a Red & Purple Wonderland (tune of Walking in a Winter Wonderland) Kazoos sing, are you listenin’ Lots of bling, is a glistenin’ A beautiful sight We’re happy tonite In our red & purple wonderland We don’t care about the weather Boas warm, full of feathers We’re wrapped up in red All over our heads In our red & purple wonderland In a restaurant you can see us glowing Purple clothes with red hats on our heads Shopping in a store in caftans flowing As we pass up all the hats that are not red! Later on we’ll conspire As we dream by the fire A beautiful sight Red Hatters Unite In our red & purple wonderland Deck Our Heads (tune of Deck the Halls) Deck our heads with hats of red Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la We’re so happy we’re not dead Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la Don we now our bright regalia Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la Next to us the world is paler Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la! Jingle Bells Dashing through the stores This is where its at Oh what fun it is to shop In our cute red hats Through the aisles we roam In purple dress & shoes Searching for more red hat stuff Than we could ever use, Oh! Jingle bells, hats are swell Up atop our heads Feathers, flowers, jewels & more And all of it is re-ed! Jingle bells, hats are swell Up atop our heads Oh what fun it is to shop With red hats on our heads We are the Red Hat Ladies (tune of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer) We are the red hat ladies And we wear such funny clothes And if you ever saw us You would even say we glow All of the other ladies Used to laugh and call us names They didn’t get our antics Or our silly red hat games Then one foggy Christmas Eve Santa came to say Ladies with your hats so bright Join me in my sleigh tonight. Now they all want to join us As we sing and play kazoos Now that they finally get it Santa wears a red hat too! Twelve Days of Christmas On the 1st day of Christmas, my sisters gave to me A red hat with flowers on the brim On the 2nd day of Christmas, my sisters gave to me Two purple dresses And a red hat with flowers on the brim. On the 3rd day of Christmas, my sisters gave to me Three red kazoos Two purple dresses And a red hat with flowers on the brim. On the 4th day of Christmas, my sisters gave to me Four purple scarves Three red kazoos Two purple dresses And a red hat with flowers on the brim. On the 5th day of Christmas, my sisters gave to me Five Coots & Biddies figurines Four purple scarves Three red kazoos Two purple dresses And a red hat with flowers on the brim. On the 6th day of Christmas, my sisters gave to me Six satin gloves Five Coots & Biddies figurines Four purple scarves Three red kazoos Two purple dresses And a red hat with flowers on the brim. On the 7th day of Christmas, my sisters gave to me Seven feather boas Six satin gloves Five Coots & Biddies figurines Four purple scarves Three red kazoos Two purple dresses And a red hat with flowers on the brim. On the 8th day of Christmas, my sisters gave to me Eight big tiaras Seven feather boas Six satin gloves Five Coots & Biddies figurines Four purple scarves Three red kazoos Two purple dresses And a red hat with flowers on the brim. On the 9th day of Christmas, my sisters gave to me Nine reading glasses Eight big tiaras Seven feather boas Six satin gloves Five Coots & Biddies figurines Four purple scarves Three red kazoos Two purple dresses And a red hat with flowers on the brim. On the10th day of Christmas, my sisters gave to me Ten chocolate truffles Nine reading glasses Eight big tiaras Seven feather boas Six satin gloves Five Coots & Biddies figurines Four purple scarves Three red kazoos Two purple dresses And a red hat with flowers on the brim. On the11th day of Christmas, my sisters gave to me Eleven sparkling earrings Ten chocolate truffles Nine reading glasses Eight big tiaras Seven feather boas Six satin gloves Five Coots & Biddies figurines Four purple scarves Three red kazoos Two purple dresses And a red hat with flowers on the brim. On the12th day of Christmas, my sisters gave to me Twelve purple purses Eleven sparkling earrings Ten chocolate truffles Nine reading glasses Eight big tiaras Seven feather boas Six satin gloves Five Coots & Biddies figurines Four purple scarves Three red kazoos Two purple dresses And a red hat with flowers on the brim. I’m Dreaming of a Red & Purple Christmas I’m Dreaming of a Red & Purple Christmas No longer does red go with green Now my tree will glisten As I will christen It with these colors that you’ve seen I’m Dreaming of a Red & Purple Christmas I will have hats upon my tree There’ll be wide brims and bonnets With purple tinsel on it How beautiful this tree will be I’m Dreaming of a Red & Purple Christmas Topped with an angel but instead Of a white dress we’ll change that And no halo, rearrange that She’ll have a red hat on her head I’m dreaming of a Red & Purple Christmas Just like all my Red Hatter chums We’re all anxious to start trimming Imaginations brimming While our new carols we all hum Little Drummer Girl Come, they told her Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum Put on this cute red hat Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum But I am much too young Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum I am not fifty yet Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum Rum-pa-pum-pum Rum-pa-pum-pum Then here’s a pink hat dear Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum With us you’ll find good cheer Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum And you’ll have sisters near Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum To help you with your fears Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum Rum-pa-pum-pum Rum-pa-pum-pum We’ll guide you through the ‘pause Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum When all your nerves are raw Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum We’ll help you with all that Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum So take this cute pink hat Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum Rum-pa-pum-pum Rum-pa-pum-pum She took the hat from them Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum She basked in their good will Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum She found her life had changed Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum She became one of them Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum Rum-pa-pum-pum Rum-pa-pum-pum Come she told them Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum My friends come join me now Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum There’s magic ‘neath this hat Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum Red Hats are where it’s at Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum Rum-pa-pum-pum Rum-pa-pum-pum Now she just counts the years Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum Aging she doesn’t fear Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum She keeps her sisters near Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum Turning 50 will bring cheer Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum Rum-pa-pum-pum Rum-pa-pum-pum Red Christmas (tune of Blue Christmas) We’ll have a red Christmas, no doubtin’ With all our friends ‘round, laughin’ & shoutin’ Decorations of green, holly berries of red Won’t be the same, now, that they’re up on our head! We’ll have a red Christmas my sisters Just all us gir-ls, this year no ‘Misters’ They’ll be doin’ all right With their Christmas of white But we’ll have a Red Hatter’s Christmas Hark The Blue-Haired Angels Sing Hark the blue-haired angels sing Glory to our goofy Queen! She got our Red Hat ball rolling Though it was Bass-Ackward Bowling! Quarters lodged betwixt our butt cheeks Make us howl until our eyes leak We all do outrageous things 'Cause she asks, our goofy Queen. We all do outrageous things 'Cause she asks, our goofy Queen Hark the blue-haired angels cry Do it and do not ask why Why is simply “cause it’s fun” Even when it means we run Round and round in hokey pokey We can always take a jokey We are always heard and seen ‘Cause we have a goofy Queen. We are always heard and seen ‘Cause we have a goofy Queen Hark the blue-haired angels giggle Through some games that make us wiggle We act up in public too As we play on our kazoos Booty bumping, campouts too These are all fun things we do We don't mind because its fun And our Queen's the goofy one We don't mind because its fun And our Queen's the goofy one Do You Hear What I Hear? Said the Queen to the woman there Do you see what I see? Way up on my head, oh woman fair Do you see what I see? A hat, a hat A beautiful red hat With a brim as wide as the sky With a brim as wide as the sky Said the woman to the Red Hat Queen Do you hear what I hear? Ringing thru the sky, lovely Queen Do you hear what I hear? It’s laughter, dear Laughter that you hear And it rings out clear as a bell Yes it rings out clear as a bell Said the woman to the mighty Queen May I know what you know? In your wisdom oh mighty Queen May I know what you know? A hat, a hat is waiting for your head And its red, oh my dear, yes it’s red And its red, oh my dear, yes it’s red Said the Queen to women everywhere Listen to what I say! Join us now, listen when I say Join us now and forever you will play Join us now and forever you will play Joy To The World Joy to the world Red hats are here So come and join the fun We promise you will have a ball Your colors we will change them all It’s Red and it’s Purple now It’s Red and it’s Purple now It’s Red and it’s Purple we love, and how! Joy to the world We love this life Our sisters by our side And ev-ery heart Is full of love And ev’ry heart is full And ev’ry heart is full And every heart is full of love The Restroom Door Said “Gentlemen” (tune of God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen) (Note: This one somehow ended up not being about Christmas OR Red Hats but I was on a roll and just couldn't stop) The restroom door said “Gentlemen” But we just had to pee And so we tiptoed in and hoped That no men there would be The place just stunk and looked a mess But ah! There was a john Oh what feelings of sweet release and joy Did we feel Oh what feelings of sweet release and joy And so we lifted skirts and sighed As tissue was laid down While pondering what men would think And how they’d wear a frown If they came in and found us there Invading their domain Oh but feelings of sweet release and joy Did we feel Oh what feelings of sweet release and joy To those men who would think us wrong For peeing in “your place” We urge you when you build these things To give us lots more space ‘Cause if you don’t you’re going to see The next time you walk in We wrote W-O in front of M-E-N MMM-E-N We wrote W-O in front of M-E-N We Three Queens of Bakersfield Are (tune of We Three Kings of Orient Are) We three Queens of Bakersfield fame Karen, Pat and Cianne are our names Purple and red from our heads to our toes Recruiting Red Hatters in droves CHORUS: O, hats of crimson, hats so light Hats in royal ruby bright Hats vermillion, hats in the trillions So unique they are a sight We three Queens of local renown Touting Red Hatism all over town Christmas is near and we are of good cheer As we turn every frown upside down CHORUS: O, hats with monkeys, hats with bees Hats with little Christmas trees Hats with doggies, hats with froggies Hats that could fly like a kite in a breeze We three Queens, we like to compete To have the best red hats to wear when we greet Like all of our goilies, some even wear doilies We even put hats on our feet CHORUS: O, hats with roses, hats with jewels Hats with fishing tackle and tools Hats with wine, these hats are divine As we break all society’s rules We three Queens we are best of friends Never an ill word would we have to mend Our red hats they glue us, our friendship renews us It’s sisterhood time that we spend Crimson Hats (tune of Silver Bells) On the sidewalks, everyone gawks at our lovely red hats On our heads an explosion of Christmas People passing, children laughing, Greeting us with a smile And on every street corner, you'll see CHORUS: Crimson hats, Ruby hats It's Christmas time for Red Hatters Twink-a-ling, see our bling We celebrate it this way Hats with holly, hats with tinsel Blink a bright red and green As our sisters Show off their new headwear Ornaments gleam, garland does stream See the big star atop And amidst all this foo-foo, you'll see CHORUS: Crimson hats, Ruby hats It's Christmas time for Red Hatters Twink-a-ling, see our bling We celebrate it this way We Wish You a Merry Christmas We wish you a Merry Christmas We wish you a Merry Christmas We wish you a Merry Christmas And a Red Hat New Year! Go buy your-self a red hat Go buy your-self a red hat Go buy your-self a red hat It’ll fill you with cheer! The big-ger hat the better The big-ger hat the better Especially one with feathers That will tickle your ears! Then come on out and join us Then come on out and join us Then come on out and join us Dressed in purple gear! We wish you a Merry Christmas We wish you a Merry Christmas We wish you a Merry Christmas And a Red Hat New Year!